50 Bakas: Minna san
by EffisheiRan
Summary: 50 tales of stupidity ranging from detective kids to bad guys in black... Indescribable Addiction: Haibara Ai had a deep secret only she, herself, knows... That is, until he walked through the door...
1. The Ring

**50 Bakas: Minna-san**  
By: EffisheiRan

_-__**Please enjoy my new fic! Anyone with good ideas, please, tell me via review! And, um, please read my other fic EXPERIENCE UNFORGETTABLE… Thanks!-**_

**Disclaimer:** uh, too common **I—so—do NOT own Meitantei Conan/ Detective Conan/ Case Closed… **It's the horrid truth behind the blissful lie!

**Chapter 1: Shinichi's stupidity – The Ring.**

**["It was a buy-one-get-one-free bargain, so might as well take advantage of it, right?"**

* * *

He was nervous.

For one of the rare times in his life, the Great Detective of the East, Kudo Shinichi, is nervous. Why?

He was going to propose to his childhood friend and his girlfriend for about four years, Mouri Ran. But he was more nervous about one thing.

He had asked his best friend, Hattori Heiji, buy the engagement ring. He had just asked an ahou to buy one of the most vital elements in his proposal. Maybe he wasn't thinking.

_-Flashback-_

_Shinichi sat at the couch, troubled. He had just finished solving a case, but unfortunately, he had forgotten his promise to Ran… He forgot to go to dinner with her. She was fuming mad at him when he arrived at the restaurant, and he doubted that the anger will fade that night._

'_Oh, why me?' he asked himself, as he nursed a red mark in front of his bathroom mirror. Ran had slapped him when he tried to explain, and went home, crying and reddened due to anger. Heiji was staying with him for a little while, since summer had set in. Kazuha, meanwhile, insisted to stay with Ran, to make sure Heiji won't get 'any ideas'._ _He was snapped out of thinking by his best friend sitting in the couch next to him, a frown plastered on his face. 'Maybe it's about time…' he told himself._

"_Ne, Heiji." He started. His best friend looked at him with half-lidded eyes. He had just noticed the slap mark on Heiji's left cheek, which was obscured from his view. "What happened to you?" he blurted out, his primary question slipping from his head. Heiji frowned deeper._

"_Kazuha slapped me."_

"_I can see that."_

"_Because I defended you." He continued. Shinichi raised an eyebrow, and looked at him disbelievingly. "Defended me?"_

"_She kept asking me why I kept sticking out with a guy who made Neechan cry…and stuff like that…and some mushy friendship stuff… the usual sermon."_

"_Right."_

"_Man, you have to thank me… I would have taken her side of I knew your reaction's gonna be like that!"_

"_Ah, gomen." Shinichi said, sighing and staring up the ceiling. "Guess we're in the same boat then, huh?"_

"_Yup." He said, also looking up the ceiling._

"_Ne, Heiji." Shinichi interrupted, after a few moments of silence. "Can you do me a favor?"_

"_Sure." He said. "What?"_

"_I need you to buy Ran's engagement ring…" a whistle, "and don't interrupt." He spat. Heiji shook him._

"_Finally!"_

"_Don't 'finally!' me…"_

"_Well, okay," he replied, clearing his throat. He stood and moved to the couch in front of Shinichi. He sat in a bossy way, pretending to smoke. Shinichi smirked…_

"_What's the plan?"_

_-End flashback-_

The doorbell rang. The entire plan was to take Ran to dinner, while Heiji bought the ring. He had entrusted his best friend his father's credit card, and he was getting dressed now. He has to apologize and propose at the same time. That shouldn't be hard. He ran down to the door, and opened it, only to see a smirking Heiji leaning on the door frame, holding a gold credit card, like a model. Shinichi frowned at him and opened the door wider. "Hurry and dress up if you wanna come with me."

"Sheesh, relax! I got your weapon here!" he said, fanning himself as he entered. "Sure is hot outside."

"Yeah…" he said, taking the air conditioner's remote and setting it to maximum. "I am gonna pay a lot for this."

"Well, come on Kudo!" Heiji said, grabbing Shinichi's coat that rested on the couch's armrest. "Your lady awaits." He told him, handing him the coat. Shinichi could only gulp.

'_This is it.'_

* * *

Shinichi sat there in front of his girlfriend, with an anxious look on his face. He was waiting for her to at least, bite the ring, which was set in the food. Heiji, meanwhile, strolled at the beach with Kazuha, explaining his side of the story. They both watched as Shinichi and Ran ate, and both smiled inwardly.

'_Maybe now's my chance.'_ Heiji told himself, hesitating at first, but then stuck firm on his decision. He took a little box from his pocket as Kazuha watched the eating couple, and held her hand. He knelt in front of her.

"Toyama Kazuha…"

At the same time, Ran had bitten the ring. Shinichi noticed the frown that settled on her pretty face, and his eyes gleamed in excitement. "What is this?" she asked, eyeing the ring. He outstretched his hand and she handed him the ring, as she watched him reach for something in his pocket.

_A red velvet box._

Her eyes widened at the sight, "Shi-Shinichi?" she asked, as he placed the ring in the box, and he kneeled in front of her. "What the—?"

"Shush." He said, silencing her. "Mouri Ran…"

"…I'd be the happiest man in the world, "Heiji told Kazuha, as she put her hand to cover her mouth;

"If I will be able to be with you…" Shinichi continued, trying to remember the sweet things he had recited a thousand times in front of the mirror earlier that afternoon.

"Through all the days in my life." Continued Heiji. The same words were running in his and Shinichi's mind, as they nervously knelt in front of the women they love. "For better or for worst…"

"…And I will be the luckiest man in the world if your face is the first and last thing I see when I wake up and before I sleep…" He recited, seeing the tears that sprang in her eyes.

"Will…"

"you…"

"Marry me?" both detectives asked at the same time, unknown to the other. Kazuha gave a nod and hoisted Heiji up, as she cried out of joy. Ran, meanwhile, looked at her beloved detective as she knelt in front of him. She cried and hugged him, muttering "yes, I will," all the while. Shinichi kissed her and started to say "thank you, Lord for this wonderful woman…" They heard slight screams and Heiji yelling, "Yes! Yes!" as they stood up, watching Heiji danced with Kazuha. Shinichi bowed in front of Ran.

"May I?"

* * *

They stayed at Shinichi's house that night. All of them slept in the living room, the air conditioner still at maximum. Shinichi woke up for a drink that night, only to find Heiji watching Kazuha.

"Hey, you up?"

"Can't sleep." He told him, moving a stray hair from Kazuha's face. Shinichi noticed her ring and smirked.

"So you proposed too huh?"

"Yep…" he said, standing up and getting his own cup of water. "I can't let you have all the fun."

"Wait a minute." Said Shinichi, as he continued to eye her ring. "Why does Ran's ring and Kazuha's ring look the same?" He asked, and he heard a gulp in response. "Heiji? I there something you have to tell me?"

"Well… you see…"

"Come on, spill."

"Well, you did say 'Get a ring with a nice bargain… nice price, looks expensive…' you know…"

"And?" he inquired, seeing where this conversation will lead. "What did you buy? Or, what kind of bargain did you get?" Heiji backed down and smiled nervously.

"It was a buy-one-get-one-free bargain, so… might as well take advantage of it, right?"

_My story ends… here. You can guess the rest._

* * *

**Here you go! First chapter out of fifty. I still have a long way to go, so wish me luck! I need tons of help for the next one, since I can't think straight at the moment. I am having a big trouble thinking of how many clothes I'll pack, so here you go. I got the idea from my aunt. She has two kids, and bought them a dress with the same design. So as not to insult them, she told them it was a buy one get one free bargain!**

**Review, please! I'm planning to make the next chapter about Ran… anyone who has ideas?**

**I really have to thank my inspirations… See my favorite authors list to know them.**

**Ja! See ya! T.C.C.I.C everyone…[Take Care 'coz I Care!**


	2. The 15th Target

**50 Bakas: Minna-san**  
By: EffisheiRan

**Disclaimer: **

**Sonoko:** Celle-chan (EffisheiRan: That's me…) does not own Detective Conan/ Case Closed. All she owns are thick notebooks that are full of worthless, senseless drabbles. If you're curious what kind of drabbles, I would be happy to tell you…She's drawing hearts around her name and—

**EffisheiRan: **Okay, I'm sure they're not interested with the—ehem—other guy, I—I mean, other person so… Oh, whatever! On with the second chapter!

**Chapter 2: Conan no Baka—The 15****th**** Target**

**Demo… Sonoko-neechan said…uh… **

* * *

** Sonoko's POV **

I sat there, watching as my best friend talked to her new seatmate. A new guy named Haruna Soujiro. Yeah, he's handsome alright, but he's not my type. Well, maybe Ran's.

I noticed them laughing. Uh-oh. Not a good sign. Well, honestly, well for me but not for stuck-up Shinichi! I listened intently to their conversation, and I heard weird lines like, "Yeah, single," and "Left me, uh…for long now…" and another annoying laugh. I can handle Ran's laugh, but not his! His laughter was more of a dumb guy's guffaw. Oh, heck, don't care if he's smart… As long as he keeps away from my best friend! Hmm, Ran seems better off with Kudo-kun than him…

** Normal POV **

Ran spared a glance at her best friend and saw Sonoko frowning and thinking deeply, her brows furrowed. _'Maybe she's thinking of something concerning Makoto-san…'_ she looked back at Soujiro and smiled. "So, when are you gonna drop by my place?"

* * *

Conan frowned deeply._'Something's just not right.'_ He thought. Ran came home with a huge smile, humming "Destiny" while dancing around like a madgirl up to the apartment. _'I didn't call…Maybe something good just happened… Yeah, maybe… That's it…'_ he assured himself, taking a half empty cup from the fridge. He drank the remaining chocolate content inside and placed the empty cup in the sink. He went back to the living room, passing by the bathroom. Inside, he can hear Ran's voice… He can hear singing "I Can't Stop My Love for You," in an audible tone. When she got out, she continued humming, settling down beside Conan. Her father came, drunk again. The two teens helped the beet faced Kogoro to his seat.

"Mou, you're drunk again." She told her dad, as he looked for more beer. _'That's just usual.'_ Conan thought to himself, as he felt his eyebrows rise. Ran looked like she suddenly remembered something.

"Oh, I forgot." Said she, "I'll be out tomorrow dad… Is that okay with you?"

"Mmm… Go wherever you want—hiccup—just bring some—hic—beer home…"

"Whatever."

"Ne, Ran-neechan…" Conan started. "Where are you going tomorrow?" _'Please, anywhere, as long as you're not with another guy…'_ Shinichi thought to himself as he bit his lower lip. Ran looked at him and smiled.

"I'll be out with Sonoko." _'Whew.'_ He told himself, as he sighed inwardly, not letting his emotions show. "Can I come?"

Ran looked horrified. "No!" she snapped. Conan's eyes widened at her reaction and stepped back. "Oh, Ran-neechan…" he said, "It's o-okay… Y-you don't have to-to ye-yell…" Ran covered her mouth and smiled in apology. "Gomen Conan-kun." She told him, "I'm just—uh—tired, that's all." And with that, she went to her room. Conan frowned. _'Something's wrong.'_ He says to himself, _'Very wrong…'_

* * *

The next day, Ran left very early. She wore a tank top and pants and left a note on the fridge, for her dad and Conan, and went off.

Conan, on the contrary, woke up late. He looked at his watch and went down, and after seeing the note on the fridge, began to eat. He ate the cereal Ran left in the fridge. Kogoro entered the kitchen later on, clutching his aching head.

"Damn hangover." He muttered. "Oi, brat, Where's Ran?" Conan pointed at the note.

"Out with that Suzuki brat, huh?"

"What Suzuki brat?" asked an annoyed girl's voice. Kogoro turned around, to see Sonoko standing by the door, her hands by her waist with her eyebrow raised. "You mean she's not here?" she asked Conan, ignoring Kogoro's comment. She looked away and frowned, crossing her arms. "She must be out with **that** guy."

"**That **guy?!" Conan and Kogoro said, "Who?"

"The newbie… Haruna Soujiro. They were sweet yesterday." She said, shrugging. "I was here to observe—uh, stalk more of…—her—um—weird behavior."

"Can I come with you?!" asked Conan, as he frantically finished eating the cereal. "I just want to know!"

"Why would I bring you?" Sonoko asked, "She'll probably spot us easily… You are noisy…"

'_Look who's talking.'_ Shinichi told himself. "But… I'm gonna…gonna…tell Shinichi-niichan!" She pondered in deep thought and walked towards the door.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked him, and he smiled. "She might get away."

* * *

They sat at the bench at the park, eating ice cream, deducing where Ran could be. Conan frowned inwardly. _'If that guy tries to do something funny to Ran, I'll—I'll make sure he gets what he deserves…'_

Similar thoughts ran through Sonoko's head. She frowned deeply and took her phone, flipping it open. She dialed Ran's number and pressed the call button.

_Ring…_ _'That's the first.'_ Conan counted.

_Ring… 'Second…'_Sonoko calculated.

_Ri-_ "Hello?"

'_Yes!' _they both said, and Sonoko put the call on loudspeaker. "Ran!" they yelled. "Where are you?" Sonoko asked, as she gestured to Conan to keep quiet and jot down notes about her location. He did as he was told.

"It's a secret." Came her reply. They listened intently for the sounds in the background. It was noisy there, wherever they are. They heard calls and women's voices saying, "Is that okay sir?" or "Do you want a replacement sir? Please go to the C.S counter for that…" They heard a male's voice loud enough to indicate he's close. He whispered something inaudible that made Ran laugh. "Well, Sonoko… You see… uh… I'll tell you later…" she said, and with that, she hung up. Sonoko closed her phone and looked at Conan expectantly.

"Well, Tantei-kun?" she asked, "Did you get anything out of that worthless conversation?" He nodded. "That's good. Where do you think they are now?"

"At the mall."

"Eh? The mall?' she said, surprised. "How did you know?"

"C.S. Counter meant the Customer Service Counter. Anyone who's usually at the mall would know that." He told her, as she watched him in mixed annoyance and awe. "Besides, it's noisy there, and the mall is crowded today."

"I see." She said, taking her bag and standing up. "Let's go!"

* * *

"I don't see them here." Sonoko said, looking around the ladies' wear section. Conan frowned, once again. "Maybe they're in the shoe section!" Sonoko said, as she pulled Conan along.

"Oi, oi!" he yelled, pulling her hand. "Stop i—oof." He stopped, when Sonoko covered his mouth. He looked at the direction she was staring at, only to see Ran walking with a guy. A fire from within him ignited due to anger.

"That's Soujiro." He heard Sonoko say. "That's him…" she continued, as she placed Conan by the ground to stand on his own. "Now, shut up and stop making a fuss before they hear us."

"Hai!" he whispered. Sonoko nodded. "Let's follow them!"

"Okie-dokey." Conan said, as he followed the [at his current state older girl. They blended in with the crowd, just as Sonoko had insisted. The walking_couples_ didn't seem to notice them, as they followed them around the mall. They didn't enter any of the usual places Ran goes in, but instead, went around looking at men's accessories. They also spotted the two looking at a polo shirt.

"Mou, how can she go with another guy when she already has Kudo-kun?" Sonoko asked, as she pretended to look at the interesting children's shirts. Conan nodded in approval.

"Demo…" she said, "Why do they keep looking at red stuff?"

"Eh?"

"You know… I noticed they were looking at red shirts, red caps, etc." she said, pretending to look if the shirt fit her companion.

"Hmm…"

"Come on, they're moving."

* * *

The two stalked Ran and Soujiro all day. They went off to different places, and finally, stopped when Sonoko said she had to go home.

"Guess I have to stalk 'em on my own." Conan said, as Sonoko told him her reason. She smiled at him and said, "I'll call later… Gimme details."

"No way."

"Aw…" she said, and she went off. Conan frowned as he watched them eat from the nearby table. He crossed his arms.

_Flashback:_

"_Nani?"_

"_I said, they might be together now." Sonoko said, as Conan's eyes widened at the shocking news. "To-to-together?" he repeated, uneasily. She nodded._

"_Kuso."_

"_It's bad to curse, Conan-kun."_

"_Whatever."_

_End Flashback_

That was it. To know if they are together, he has to go ask her. He jumped off his seat and approached theirs, just as they were talking. "Ran-neechan!" he yelled, to show his entrance. Ran just smiled at him and moved the bag that sat next to her. "Ah, Conan-kun!" she said, cheerily. "Come, have a seat!"

"Ah, Did I disturb you and your boyfriend?" he said, teasingly as he settled down his seat. He saw a faint color on her cheek and she looked at him. "No!"

"Ja, have to go." Soujiro said, looking at his watch. "See ya… If you need help, call me."

"Sure, bye." She said, waving at him. He went out of the restaurant and Ran looked at Conan. "Let's go home Conan-kun." He nodded.

"Ne, Ran-neechan…" Conan started, feeling uneasy at the silence. "Why did you say you went out with Sonoko-neechan even if you went out with your_boyfriend_?" phew… he had a hard time saying that. Ran looked at him, surprised and then she giggled.

"Boyfriend?"

"Uh-huh…" he said, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "Sonoko-neechan said…"

"Sonoko? She must have misinterpreted things." Ran said, stopping in front of their house to kneel in front of Conan and look at him at eye level. "Haruna Soujiro is my_ cousin._ And I just asked for help. I told him I'm having a big problem looking for a present for Shinichi, since it's his birthday tomorrow, and he said he could help. I told you, we're cousins and not anymore than that. Understand?"

"But I thought…Sonoko-neechan said…" he started, feeling embarrassed. Ran giggled and shushed him, standing up. "Don't mind that… Every one makes mistakes every once in a while. And you," she touched the tip of Conan's nose, "are no exemption."

"Ah…" he said, putting his hand behind his head and laughing uneasily. _'Yeah… Everyone makes mistakes every once in a while…_

_And that includes mini tanteis…'_ Suddenly, he remembered something. _'So, Sonoko wants details huh? I'll give her some, I guess.'_

* * *

Ja! That's it. This may be the last chapter I'll be writing in the Philippines, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna leave this hanging! I promise, as long as my sched clears up, I'll continue this. You guys just have to wait a little. Anyway, I need ideas! Oh, and reviews as well… One strict policy guys! No review, no update! Sorry, just gotta do this. 


	3. Indescribable Addiction

**50 Bakas: Minna-san  
Ai no Baka: Indescribable Addiction  
by: EffisheiRan**

Yess! A comeback! Wahoo! I'm writing this in the library in 20 minutes, so sorry if it's bad. It just got in my head.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything here. Not Detective Conan... Nope, not even Sesame Street.**

* * *

Ai smiled to herself. She watched the computer screen flicker. The word "Password" was written across the screen. She smirked, then typed her password.

_Miyano Akemi_

Her smirk widened. _'Now, where's that site?'_

* * *

Agasa Hiroshi looked over his shoulder. _'She's in her room again,'_ he thought, worry rising in his head. Beside him sat Edogawa Conan.

"Hakase?" Conan asked, noticing the worried look on the professor's face. The troubled man looked at him. "What's wrong?"

"You see," he started, "Ai-kun has been locking herself up in her room for hours. Then she'll come out humming and all happy."

"What's she singing?"

"No idea," said the professor.

Conan frowned. _'What was she up to now?'_ He looked at the door, which was closed. "You think she's into drugs, hakase?"

"Shi-shinichi!" came his surprised reply. He saw the little tantei looking intently at him and he went to whisper, "You-you think so?"

"Maybe."

The professor frowned. "Hmm..." he said, folding his arms across his chest. "Maybe—Maybe you should go and check."

Conan nodded and jumped off his seat, walking towards the room. He opened the door a bit, enough for him to peek through, as quiet as he could. It was darks, and the only light was coming from the computer. _'No smoke' _he thought. Slowly, and silently, he opened the door fully.

His mouth fell open.

There, in front of him, was Haibara Ai, a 17-year old girl turned 7 by a drug she, herself, has made...

Dancing and singing like a real kid.

He cleared his throat and opened the lights, and she turned to face him in surprise, her eyes widening and her face turning red.

"Didn't know you were into _Sesame Street_, Haibara."

* * *

Please review, so that you can get to see Shinichi/Kaito/Heiji and everyone from Detective Conan in your dreams tonight!

* * *


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